


Happiness Isn't Always What It Seems

by court_dancer10



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-12-14 17:54:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11788353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/court_dancer10/pseuds/court_dancer10
Summary: Tyler knew he shouldn't be here, in the bathroom at a team party, but he was desperate for control, to feel normal again. Although, honestly, he hadn't felt normal in while.





	Happiness Isn't Always What It Seems

**Author's Note:**

> This story hasn't been looked over, so sorry for any mistakes.
> 
> Read the tags before reading, especially if you deal with mental health problems.
> 
> I in no way am trying to encourage or normalize self-harm. This was simply something I wrote for myself to deal with some stuff.

Tyler could feel it. He could feel the itch under his skin, and he knew there was no way to stop the quick slide from reality. He knew it was coming, and coming quickly, but he was desperate to avoid it, to get away from the feeling.

Sliding down the wall, he knew he shouldn’t be here. He knew it wouldn’t help, but he was panicking, trying to keep his head above water and just breathe. He took a shaky breath, holding it as he pressed the razor to his skin. He knew he could get caught; a team party was not the ideal place for this to be happening, but he was far past caring.

He exhaled roughly at the first cut across his thigh, feeling slightly more settled and in control. He knew it wouldn’t keep the depression at bay, but he just needed to get through until he could bow out of the party. 

He quickly made three more cuts, enough to take the edge off, slid the razor back in his wallet to deal with later, and cleaned his thigh enough that he could be sure no blood would show through his jeans. He had become far too practiced at hiding his habit.

Joining the party was hell. Tyler loved his teammates, but he didn’t want to pretend tonight. He didn’t want to pretend that he was fine, that his depression wasn’t making another attempt to drown him. He didn’t want to disappoint them. This was only his second season with the Stars, and they were barely started. 

“Tyler! Where’d you get to, man?” 

Jordie had appeared seemingly out of nowhere, wrapping an arm tightly around Tyler’s shoulders. Despite the question, Jordie’s eyes told Tyler he knew exactly where he had been and what he had been doing. 

Tyler hadn’t meant to confide in the Benn brothers. He hadn’t even confided in them, technically. He had been careless, sitting on their couch one hot afternoon, and his shorts had ridden up just enough to be able to make out the fresh cuts on the insides of his thighs. He hadn’t been able to talk himself out of the situation, and had confessed about his self-harm. 

“Tyler? You with me here, buddy?” Jordie spoke quietly into his ear, trying to avoid bringing attention on them.

“Yeah, sorry. I’m fine.” 

One look at Jordie’s face told Tyler that Jordie knew he was bullshitting, but he didn’t want to talk about it, choosing instead to snatch a bottle of water off the nearest table and taking a large gulp of the liquid.

“Come on, let’s go find Jamie, eh?”  
Jordie didn’t wait for an answer. Using the arm he still had slung around Tyler’s shoulders, he steered him out of the kitchen and into the living room, knowing they would find Jamie there. He could feel Tyler tensing under his arm, and gave him a gentle squeeze, silently letting the younger man know that he wasn’t going anywhere. He caught Jamie’s attention, giving him a look that he knew his brother would understand. 

Jamie excused himself from the conversation he had been in, making his way over to the pair as quickly as he could without drawing attention. 

“Tyler? How bad?” Jamie frowned worriedly down at him. 

Tyler didn’t answer, feeling the hot prick of tears behind his eyes. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to get control of his emotions, and felt Jamie’s hand grasp his forearm.

“Let’s go home. You can stay with us tonight, okay?” Jamie said gently, squeezing Tyler’s forearm a bit to get his attention.

Tyler nodded, sagging in relief against Jordie, who still had an arm protectively around his shoulders.

The trio made their way out of the party, stopping only a few times to say goodbye to various teammates, but not staying to chat.

By the time they made it back the the apartment that Jamie and Jordie shared, Tyler was exhausted, wanting nothing more than to curl up and sleep the week away.

Jamie led him upstairs to his bedroom, gently steering him to the bed. He knew Tyler would collapse in his jeans and hoodie if allowed, but wanted the younger man to be comfortable. He went as quickly as possible through his nighttime routine, skipping everything non-essential, before getting pajamas for Tyler and gently helping him change.

Getting Tyler to lie down was easy, and Jamie knew Tyler didn’t like to be alone when things got bad. He slipped carefully behind Tyler, careful not to startle him, and spooned up behind him. He could feel Tyler shaking, knew he was crying, and didn’t try to stop him. He simply carded his fingers through Tyler’s short hair and wrapped his other arm tightly around Tyler’s waist to reassure him that he was there.

“It’s gonna be okay, Ty. I’m here, I’m always here.”

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea if this is going to turn into a multi-chapter story or series or not. I may write more if the inspiration hits.
> 
> Please, if you're having mental health problems or feel lost, talk to someone. Don't start self-harming, it tears your life apart and makes everything worse, and is hard as fuck to stop.


End file.
